Everyone seems to be running these days, it’s become a trend. And quite frankly, it puts me off wanting to go.

Pressure to run a certain time, hit a certain number of KM’s or have all the gear.

Running started for me as a way to ‘stretch my legs’, move at a faster pace and get some fresh air. A quicker form of walking.

It rarely felt ‘good’.

Heavy breath, aches and pains, mental chatter and a continual thought of ‘when is this over…’.

My relationship with running hasn’t been smooth sailing. I struggle to understand WHY I am running. I feel a sense of pressure TO run.

But some days I love the quicker bursts of energy, with my headphones on full volume, taking big strides to Fred Again and feeling so strong after.

My Running Playlist

A week ago I struggled to run 10km for a community fun run (the irony of the word fun).

SO much head noise. “Why are you doing this, you don’t like running, it’s too hot, your legs are too heavy, what if I don’t run in a ‘respectable’ time, no one is making you do this, so go home.”

It was hard to find a groove and rhythm surrounded by so many people and just sitting in these thoughts of you WILL run 10km.

I stopped a few times. I wanted to give up. It was anything but fun.

I finished and I was grateful to be out there in the community and with my family.

But I was now worried that I would bottom out and cancel on running my first 21.1km in a few weeks’ time.

Why am I doing it?? I do not enjoy running!!

But today I found a new piece of hope.

I woke up at 4.30am (unusually early for me) but felt like I needed a challenge.

And so something came over me to set myself a new goal of 18km.

Having run to 15km previously, this notion of being out there running for MORE time and being in all kinds of pain later, oddly, felt empowering.

And then it started to rain… (Welcome to spring in Melbourne).

I watched from my window, the rainfall and wondered well wtf now? I had set this goal but now I feel like a failure.

Then the rain stopped (Melbourne weather part 2.)

And what a beautiful morning it was. The rain was a complete blessing and brought out so many fresh smells from the river beds, and a calmer ora in the air.

I started up my favourite podcast (shout out Lucy & Nikki) and honestly just started to count to 10 religiously. Next thing I knew, I was at 10km, fkn thirsty, re-hydrated, wacked on another episode and was off again.

15km and now my hips are hurting.

Another episode for a new challenge,

let’s PUSH.

And push we did, all the way up to 19.1km.

3 weeks out until the full 21.1km but what I’ve come to realise is…

Not every run is meant to be your best
I am much better when I set my goals and choose the pace
I might get to race day in a few weeks and really struggle to make the distance,
but it makes these smaller moments and solo wins so much more special.

You just have to keep doing it